i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
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Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
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I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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