Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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