I puked a lego.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He has the fingertips of a God
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