i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
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it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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