I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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