Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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