i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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