I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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