I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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