But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize