What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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