It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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