Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
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He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize