My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
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I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just had sex on a roof
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You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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