you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
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You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
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let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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