oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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