so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
May the power of my ass compel you!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize