"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
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Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
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He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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