my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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