butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize