im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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