On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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