I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize