It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
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Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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