I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize