she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
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I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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