fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize