if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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