Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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