When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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