im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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