you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize