please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize