I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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