I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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