I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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