The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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