Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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