hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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