Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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