Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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