I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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