I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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