I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
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im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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