theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
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dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We left the knife in your bed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
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My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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