another moral hangover. fuck.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
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If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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