Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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