everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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