FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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