just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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